Thursday, March 20, 2014

What Happened to You?!

   Oh boy..how many times do I get this question? I really don't have a problem when people ask me why I'm in a wheelchair, why I'm wearing leg braces, or if I'm using my walker, but once I've answered the question more then five times it begins to get old. I have two main problems with people asking questions: 1) The way they phrase the question 2) The assumptions that people make about me.

   People tend to be curious. That's human nature. But people can be rude as all get out. The way they ask and the timing is often not ideal. I mean you really wouldn't believe how appalling this questions can be.

Examples:
  • Dude....what's wrong with your legs?
  • Are those shin guards (my leg braces)?
  • So when did you get in a car accident?
  • What did you break/tear/injure?
   Crazy right? Like I said, I am open to people asking questions as long as they're phrased in a way that is respectful and the time is appropriate. I mean obviously while I'm about to go to lunch and I'm trying to beat the crowd of kids to the cafĂ© it's probably not the best time to sit down and talk to you about my CMT. I've had an experience in 7th grade with something along the lines of the previous statement. A boy stopped me in the hall and asked why I was in a wheelchair and when I told him my reasons for wanting to get to the cafeteria he gave me an irritated expression and said "So are you just too lazy to get up and walk?"

   Yeah...I had the same jaw dropping reaction. But just as I've had people who are rude I've met people who phrased the question in a great way. I remember at my junior high school there was a girl (who is now a good friend) who said "May I ask what your disability is?" And at that moment I had my service dog with me and had been talking about my CMT with a couple other students. See perfect time and place!

   My second problem is the assumptions that people come up with either about me or my life. It's one thing if you're a child (under the age of lets say 9 or 10) and you ask me if I was in a car accident, but if you're fifty five don't ask me that. There are many reasons that people are in wheelchairs and people who have a chronic illness or disability often take offense when people make assumptions.
 
   There have also been times if someone is rude to me asks what's wrong with me and I've said "OH! A shark bit my spinal cord" (I live in Texas so it's safe that I won't get attacked by a shark) or something crazy. Most of the time I tell the truth, but I like to play with people who are already so rude or so ready to believe something before getting the truth.  This "Oh I know what happened to her" type of thinking sometimes leads to people who believe that they know more about the disability then I do or I'm lying, my disability doesn't exist, and/or that it isn't possible.

   Another one is that because my legs are messed up it must mean that there's something wrong with my brain. Aha that's where you're wrong. I'm actually pretty darn smart. I'm a freshmen in highschool and manage to finish my homeschooling by 2:00 each day (starting at 10 and factoring in lunch). I love to read and I love to learn. I don't need you to yell at me while you talk or slow down and be all sugar sweet to me. I hate that. That lack of sincerity in conversations or the pity talk (you guys who have disabilities or know someone with a disability know what I'm talking about).

   People also assume that just because I'm 'handicapped' that I'm not happy or that I'm living some incredible, inspirational life...which (I hate to crush your dreams) I'm not. I'm living a life that has ups and downs, a lot of downs, but those bad things are balanced out by the people I choose to be surrounded by. When I go to the mall in my wheelchair I'm not doing anything "exceptional" it's just what I do. I have always done this. I'm not being rude, I'm just trying to be truthful. Don't assume that everyone in a wheelchair/have a disability always mope around at home (which sometimes I do) because they don't have a "normal life" or that they are always happy and love getting people inspired (which we don't always like or are).

   We are people. We have feelings. So please when you ask a question about me or my disability be kind and be ready to keep an open mind.

XOXO,
Dana